odd.

Life is odd. It really is. So often minutes creep into meetings creep into afternoons take over weeks and soon its Summer again. Every once in a while I gasp in surprise (and terror) about my life and where I am along the path. Most days are great and I just do my thing. I hang out with friends. I go on jogs. I challenge myself to try something new. I read a book. I spend three hours in a row on the internet. I fall off the wagon and eat a donut AND tons of candy. But some days, like today, I have sort of an internal crisis slash loss of breath all due to a stirring in my soul about what is next. And as Bess so often writes, I will captialize Next. Next. Why is it so hard to just live in the present? Why so often do I wander into Next like I need to make an anxious list with little boxes to check off and cross out? Where does the magnetic pull of Next come from? Is it dissatisfaction in the present? Some of it is inspiration. Inspiration fed from reading an incredible story of someone's journey or accomplishment. A challenge to rise to. A trip and a fear to be conquered. Some of it a curiosity of Next. What IS that Next thing going to be like? What could it be? WHO will I be and where will I reside? A stirring. I don't curse the stirring as so often its coupled with excitement, but once I am bitten by the stirring I seem to obsess until I make some giant decision. Book a flight. Commit to a climb. Sign up for a marathon. Quit my job. ...In which case I can resonate on THAT decision about Next until the Next time I stir.

Such beautiful anxiety and excitement swirling around creating a Tazmanian cloud of dust in my head.