Friday, January 15, 2010

Mental.

So we've been here a week and though I knew it wouldn't be an easy and seamless transition, I never anticipated it being this hard. And I'm sure some of you who read that will burst into laughter and subsequently, roll your eyes. For us, Caitlin and Loren have been incredible, gracious hosts and their help has been invaluable. But, obviously picking up and moving your life to a new country isn't simple, or more people would do it. I knew things in my life were going to change and we'd have to give up many familiar routines. To me, that was part of the fun and what makes this decision exciting. I think there are just aspects I didn't really consider like really missing my loved ones and feeling homesick for Seattle, the luxury of picking up a phone and connecting with a dear friend who knows you inside and out, or the possibility of a mental breakdown. There's been something unique to this experience where I just don't feel comfortable in my own skin. A terrible feeling, and one that lends itself to endless hours of spiraled thought. By nature I overthink things, and I'm reflective and emotional. However, to my core I know I'm an incredibly happy person. I tend to look on the bright side, and can see the positive in just about anything. Yes I like to dissect things and over analyze, but at the end of the day I can usually decipher where my feelings are coming from and move on. In this experience, I've found myself questioning everything. Why am I here? Why am I so emotional? What am I doing with my life? Who am I? Where do I want to live? Do I even want to have kids? Why am I like this? Okay, do you not see that this is exhausting!? Its killing me! And though I realize this is all part of the experience and part of what makes a giant leap so challenging and yet so rewarding, I'm fighting to make it stop and relax, and I just can't seem to pull it together.

FINALLY I spoke to Crow on Skype yesterday. She reminded me of our study abroad experiences which is something I too have often referenced in my mind while here. Apparently, when she landed in Greece she felt really alone and freaked out, and didn't eat or sleep for over a week. Yep, anxiety. I know I'll be fine. I need to give myself the patience to let these first few weeks sort themselves out and start to feel comfortable. Or maybe a therapist. Ha.

Our dear friends, Rob and Claudia, were here for our first week and are leaving today. Though I'm deeply sad to say goodbye, especially to Claudia, it will be good to get this ship off the ground. We've been in vacation mode, and its time to start looking for jobs and finding me a converter for my blow dryer. As the ever so popular art piece of the day says, Keep Calm and Carry On. Cheers to that.

4 comments:

josh said...

andrea. keep looking forward to the growth opportunities upcoming. I would imagine after this much change, most people go through these times, but not everyone is so brave and secure to share these feelings with everyone. Missing you and Tyson in Seattle,

Josh.

Jamieofalltrades said...

I think you're having totally normal feelings. You uprooted your entire life... so naturally you're thinking about every piece of it. You're going to have a blast down there. And you've got a good outlook and mantra - keep calm and carry on!

bess said...

Love you.

hales02 said...

huge HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUG. you are a brilliantly honest and positive and grounded and lovely being. i wish i were there to have a glass of wine with you and just listen. keep breathing, love. answers will find their way to you.