Having gone to the same school with nearly all the same people since the start of my existence, it always a little odd being the new person. I mean, there was the occasional newbie just about every two years or so who created an instant stir, like for instance, Brandon E. I can remember the day he set foot into our grade school. Blonde mullet with a spike down the part of his hair. Basketball player. HOT. I also remember that by sixth grade I was somehow able to land him as a "boyfriend" and knowing he was crazy about cats, naturally I gave him one for his birthday. I lugged that cat to school in a cardboard box with holes cut in it by none other than my mother. What mother HELPS give another child a cat!? Can you imagine your child coming home from school with a new cat!? Well of course the cat didn't actually stay in the provided home transfer box and just as these things do play out in movies the cat actually escaped in the school. Janitors were looking all day and finally found him huddled in the vents above my homeroom classroom. This is what happens when you're the new kid.
So I started a new job. Tomorrow is day ten, or rather marks my two week milestone. Its been such a whirlwind both good and bad. A friend reminded me that I made a goal last summer and actually stated that by THIS summer I would have a new job doing something completely different. Having forgotten this - until she reminded me - I made a second attempt at this plight in the fall when I quit my job to live and travel. So I'm back, and the reality is I'm doing what I said I wanted to do. I'm working for a company I believe in, and doing something pretty much completely different. With those things in mind, it makes for a cauldron of mixed emotions. Along with the excitement that comes with starting something new, I've also experienced a lot of mourning and change.
Due to a longer commute and earlier start time, I no longer have my two-hour lazy mornings of bliss. My time. Rising more often than not without an alarm, tip-toeing into the kitchen to start the electric kettle for coffee and then turning on KEXP as the soundtrack for me to make breakfast, read the newspaper and blogs I follow, and then get ready at a pace that allows me to arrive at work fresh and ready to face anything. Now I rise to the alarm and so far each day I'm completely shocked that it is actually morning. I feel as if I have just gone to bed, and my eyes are so heavy its as if someone has set two teeny sacks of sand on my eyelids. I rush around usually overwhelmed and nervous I'm forgetting something. Because I do always forget something.
I also miss all the swearing. That is, swear words. Maybe I'm a total nut, but I've worked in a world where everyone from the president to the head of HR usually drop a daily EFF bomb and with that comes stupid humor and culture dialed up big time. I worked with incredible, creative people and spent nine years laughing and singing my way through days. Stressful days, but never, ever boring. Currently I am already the loudest person in my department. I must wear headphones to drown out the silence and if someone mutters a cuss word, it is whispered so low that they are surely missing out on the joy that is released when one spouts off a swear word.
Overall I'm really happy and grateful for my new job. I am challenged daily to think in ways I've never thought before, and its exhilarating. Minus the swearing, the people I work with are incredibly sweet and helpful. And it feels really good to contribute to a company that promotes adventure, lifelong health and enjoyment of nature, and the conservation of our planet. I know the above text doesn't reflect those sentiments, but as I said, I think I'm simply mourning some of my favorite aspects of my previous career. I look forward to the day I don't feel like the squeamish new kid and instead feel empowered to show all the facets of my personality - both personally and professionally. I'm ready to rise to something new, and if it means trading in a few things, that's part of what makes difficult things so rewarding.
On Tuesday Tyson sent me flowers at work. A gesture so sweet, I almost still can't believe it. Gifts in our relationship deal typically in realms of necessity. We both don't like waste and any time we can either give something that's specifically on the other persons' list, OR gift a consumable such as a bottle of wine, we feel good about it. Having said that, receiving flowers at work felt even more special. Completely frivolous and totally thoughtful. He is the best.
The card read: Congratulations on your new job. I love you.
The new girl was called to the front desk to pick up her flowers. And as the new co-workers looked on and shared in her excitement, she felt pretty special.
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