Honey.

So, I've become completely obsessed with honeymoon planning. Its a problem. Because, really we aren't leaving for another five-ish months. And we need to plan a little something that happens first called a wedding. But alas, its lovely to picture myself wearing items of the like below as we sip wine in the cafes of Rome, stroll the streets of Athens and zoom on scooters to the beaches of the Greek Islands.

Effing adorable. And I probably won't pack anything like it. It all seems a bit wrinkle-prone.



So far we've been able to identify the following islands as potential points along the journey of paradise that will be Greece:
Milos
Santorini
Rhodes
Chios
Naxos

Thoughts? Suggestions? Let me know. Planning is underway. And so is shopping.

When Death Comes.

I work with a spirited lady who turned me on to some good poetry the other day. Never one to read or find interest in poetry, I was curious to read a recommendation from someone who is into it. Simply beautiful!

When Death Comes, by Mary Oliver

When death comes
like the hungry bear in autumn;
when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse

to buy me, and snaps the purse shut;
when death comes
like the measle-pox;

when death comes
like an iceberg between the shoulder blades,

I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering:
what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?

And therefore I look upon everything
as a brotherhood and a sisterhood,
and I look upon time as no more than an idea,
and I consider eternity as another possibility,

and I think of each life as a flower, as common
as a field daisy, and as singular,

and each name a comfortable music in the mouth,
tending, as all music does, toward silence,

and each body a lion of courage, and something
precious to the earth.

When it's over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was a bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it's over, I don't want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.

I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.

Girrrrrl.

Oh goodness. This is my spectacular friend Lindsay after a few cocktails and a drag show during our visit to Portland a few weeks back. Can she be any more smiley and happy? I like to look at this image because it makes me more happy.

C'mon.

I've been extremely antsy for spring, a mistake I am making even writing about it in this post. After six years in this city, I should be schooled in the ways of the devious little weather who taunts us and then sneers with delight in the event we ever believe that summer will arrive before July 5. In any case, in an effort to will spring and summer Tyson and I geared up in all our outdoor *brights* (including shorts) and decided to go camping on Saturday night. Somehow we were able to convince Buckley and Pete to come too and as we headed east on I90 ominous clouds delivered rain drops on our windshield. Undeterred, we stayed the course!

Upon arrival at our unsanctioned campsite we pulled out our camp chairs - and our down puffer coats - and settled in with a beer, and a view of the river and mountains.


Lisa and Pete arrived and we ended up having the best time around the campfire! We roasted hot dogs and marshmallows and then Lisa lead a sweet sing-a-long with her guitar = random melodies and hapless lyrics of hilarity all while Pete kept the beat with a small maraca. I fully know that you had to be there to understand how hilarious this was. And frankly, I'm sorry you all weren't there. It was THAT great. And funny.



On Sunday Tyson and I continued east toward the lovely town of Rosyln with the intention of going on a hike, but there was still way too much snow and no way to get to the trailhead. Thankfully smarty Tyson brought our Swiss Bob sled for which all things it touches turn to fun. We hiked up and found a nice long route and spent a good hour+ sledding in the sunshine. Eff off, winter. But thanks for the snow 'cause it was fun to go sledding. Oh and I bought a Groupon for one last snowboarding pass for the year so I guess you can stick around until after that.

Surf

Its Saturday morning. I've already been on a six-mile run and now I'm sitting here listening to This American Life and sipping coffee. Does it get any better than this?

The fact is, I think I have come out of the fog. In the various places I've worked since moving to Seattle I've encountered folks who ask for those special lights in an effort to thwart the effects of the endless cloudy days. Unconsciously I think I laughed off the notion of actually being effected by the weather. But after being in the sunshine of Chicago last week I returned to Seattle with a new sense of productivity. I'm notorious for feeling guilty if I'm not productive, but in the last few months I've only felt fueled to sit and relax, maybe read my book. Which, is cool, but I guess there was also this deeper layer of heaviness and fatigue that was wearing me out. In the last two days I've felt lighter and more my sprite-like self. I've been singing at work again and my energy level isn't forced. I sort of feel like I've been wearing a mascot costume - perhaps of the giant bear variety - and everything I did in the costume wore me out, because it was so damn heavy! And that face! The face wasn't mine but some angry, stressed-out semblance of furry fury. This week I resigned as the mascot of Agro Life and BAM! Shit feels light! I like myself a whole lot better when I'm light and not sweating and angry under that costume!

In the meantime, I have been obsessing over Patagonia's new digital surf catalog. Not because I'm a surfer, but because its so rich with great content and inspiring messaging. First of all, Patagonia never ceases to amaze me with their brand and the creative content they push out to the world. Yes, I'm sure they like selling things yadda yadda yadda, but they also just want to make quality products, and people happy when they wear them.

I've also been steadily obsessing about what I want to do with my life professionally. I found this video on page two of the digital surf catalog incredibly cool. Plus it features the founder of Patagonia who is just this super great older guy that I'd love to invite to dinner or take camping. Take a minute and watch it {click the yellow play button near the bottom}, and flip through the whole thing to see other cool videos and general awesomeness. http://media.patagonia.com/fb/SURF_S11/#/2

Definitely makes me want to strive to always do something I enjoy and not be afraid to take risks in my life. I was terrified last year at this time, when Tyson and I were road-tripping through New Zealand and en route to Australia to play in the ocean, about what it would be like when I returned to Seattle and where I was going to generate an income. Alas, I am here. And I am fine.

I've been thinking about my parents and their brave decision to up and move to a forty-acre farm in their late twenties. Two kids, one on the way. And no farm experience. Pretty ballsy. There are definitely realities that can be romanticized when thinking about taking risks and following your dreams, and they had to give up some things for sure. It wasn't all paradise and "easy living" and in fact it was a ton of work. But I guess my parents have never done anything in-line with the path of least resistance and though it drove me insane as a child, they have lived a pretty great life thus far.

Life has seemed pretty monotonous lately and the restless soul inside me is ready to ditch the hot sweaty mascot and shake things up! It feels good to be excited and inspired again.

Pineapple.

Do you ever feel like all of a sudden you don't know who you are or what you're doing in life? It may not hang around, this feeling, but sort of pops in to the corners of your brain and for a brief period messes up your psyche and makes you question all kinds of stuff. I'm SO notorious for being susceptible to this type of thinking when I travel, too. New and different surroundings, and people living and working in their respective universes that are different from mine never fails in making me reflect on my own surroundings and evaluate them with a fresh perspective. Sometimes good! And sometimes not so good.

Being in Chicago has been wonderful, and spending time with Dave and Jen refreshing. I think I'm just in some career crisis where I've reached my limit. I've had bad days in all of my jobs, and limits have been reached. Let's not forget last year's epic hiatus in New Zealand. But I guess I feel the years of jumping ship for another job aren't enough anymore. I need to find a niche that I'm excited about. And I don't even know where to start thinking or looking for it. I do know I hate ruminating and worrying about it. Which doesn't help. I get it, I know. Its just daunting, and easier to keep doing what I know and what I have experience doing.

At least as I type this Vampire Weekend's 'Run' crept up through my ear pods and surprised me with a little jolt of warm fuzzies that only a great song can afford.

Even better than a good song was the incredible day we had here in Chicago yesterday. The sun was shining and the temperature dipped into the 80s. The weather was classic midwestern in its humidity and yet completely welcome in my eyes as I've stared down rain and clouds for far too long. Bring on the heat, baby! We headed off to grab a bite at a cafe and sat outside. We spent some time playing catch and volleyball in a nearby park. Then we retreated back to Dave and Jen's for a BBQ dinner on their backyard patio. More outside eating. Bare skin exposed to a warm breeze. Grilled portabellos with goat cheese, and a pineapple.

Now someone give me a new career. Thanks.

Up.

Things were looking up today. As the day drew to a close so did the clouds and rain, and alas a sunny evening landed in our laps. Per my conversation with Gma Peg the other day I suppose I need to start blogging again. "I got on the computer today and there is was, and I thought to myself 'Not that damn graham cracker still!'" She sure is feisty that darling Grandma.

Sigh.

All I seem to do is release heavy Sighs lately in the hopes that a lull is on the horizon. A lull at work. A lull in the wedding planning. A lull in the clouds and the rain in Seattle. A lull in the growing size of a piece of my Papa's heart. Things have been pretty heavy.

I also think this time of year is perpetually hard for me. Winter has over stayed its welcome and yet summer still feels so far away. My hermit-like winter motivation for projects has waned and all I want to do in the evenings after work is just sit. Sit. But sitting doesn't make me feel good either. I like to feel productive. Doing things. Making things. And when I sit around I end up feeling worse than before. Wow, what an uplifting blog, Grandma!

I'll admit though, I started writing this blog in the doldrums that was Seattle last week and I didn't finish it. And now I sit in a coffee shop in Chicago - the sun is shining and it is NINETY degrees outside. Serious freedom in terms of bare shoulders and warm air. Insert happy sigh. I'm here for work but arrived a few days early to visit with friends and I think the change in scenery is just what I needed to kick me in the ass. I feel like I've been wishing the days away and just slogging through them and I'm ready to get back to Seattle and hopefully channel this energy into goodness.

Happy weekends, folks. I'm back!