Thursday, August 26, 2010

Silver Linings.

Today as I was going about my daily rituals around reading the various blogs I follow, one in particular slapped me across the face based on its ironic appropriateness.

I’m going to write this with the utmost emphasis on my attempts to not be dramatic. Though I realize such content is dramatic by nature, for some reason the actual experience lacked in any of the typical anxiety or tension.

You see my ex is leaving Seattle and moving across the country to NYC, and this morning we met for a quick coffee to say ‘goodbye’ to each other. My ex, meaning my ex-husband. Considering I never really talk to him, do not make time in my life for him, rarely think about him and in the nicest way I can say this I will not miss him per say – its still just all a bit odd. More than his presence was felt here in Seattle, his absence will be noticeable. Even though we are so not a part of each others’ lives anymore, here in teeny Seattle inevitably we ran into each other on an annual basis. I would see him on the street, see him go by on his scooter, or run into him while out some place. We’d catch up. We’d chat. And over the last few years I haven't had to make any conscious effort to be, or NOT to be, friends with him. Because he was just there. Somewhere off in Seattle and just as the year before I was bound to run into him, catch up quick, and then move on with my life. It was all very organic and it was what it was. So now that he is moving, and there is the very fact that I will likely never see him again, I admittedly feel a bit strange about it. Not sad. Well maybe a little sad. But mostly just weird. Strange. Odd. We came here together five years ago. I moved here to Seattle because of him and though we will leave different – at different times but also as different people – I am grateful I did in fact come here.

This brings me to my point. Thank goodness, right?

The blog.

Here's how it starts:

"Let me start by saying that I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life.
BUT the thing is, I am grateful for those mistakes. Because if I hadn’t made them, I wouldn’t be where I am today… "

So often I think about this notion. I have talked about it with many of my friends and and I think its partly why I feel like I don’t have any real regrets in my life. I do not regret moving to Seattle and marrying my ex. Had I not, I would have never met all of the people I call friends here in Seattle. I would never have learned to snowboard, backpack or climbed Mt Adams. I would have never worked with Lisa B at my first agency, decided to visit her in Aspen on a whirlwind girls’ vacation, and then subsequently met Tyson. And I would certainly never have written this blog, and learned that I love to write in general. My life and everything in it is a result of all of my life’s experiences piled on top of one another. Not one of them could have happened without the things that happened before it. So with that, I say good luck to Mr. Z. Our past was a sad and very difficult mistake in my life, but I am grateful for it. I am who I am because of it. So much so that I have a hard time even calling it a 'mistake'. And I’m grateful he is happy and moving and adding to the experiences of his life. I wish him goodness and I wish him well. And maybe, just maybe, we'll run into each other again sometime, somewhere.

And for the mistakes I’m certain to make in the future, let's be honest it will still be irritating. But I’ll be just fine. Something good, or at least interesting, will come of them!


Hales02 said...

HUGE heart smile. Keep inspiring me forever, ok? Hearts.

Baby Laene Design said...

You are one smart, funny, sweet, thoughtful, and all together a fab woman! Hope you are doing well and I so enjoy catching up on "you" through your blog! ;)